Changing Time
by Lady Jayne DeSota
Summary: A story about Amanda's internal struggle regarding her pregnancy, and how she copes will all of the changes she is facing.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own SVU or any characters. I just write these for fun!

It had been exactly one week since Amanda's suspicions were confirmed. Seven days since her life had changed forever. 10,080 minutes since the white stick on her bathroom counter flashed "Pregnant" over and over again. Time had passed, and she still hadn't taken any action. She hadn't told the father, or anyone on the squad. She hadn't even scheduled a doctor's appointment. Part of her wished if she did nothing, this problem would just go away as if it never existed.

Ever since she was a little girl, Amanda wanted to have a family the "right way." She wanted to be married, with a husband, a home, and a nest egg. She was raised by a single mom. She wanted better for her own life, and her own family. Yet, here she was knocked up after a one night stand, by a man who really could not be in his child's life due to work circumstances. What had she done?

Amanda felt frozen with anxiety. How would she do this alone? God knows she wasn't a trust fund baby, and was just about making it alone on her NYPD salary. She would need to upgrade from her studio apartment. How would she afford child care? Not working was not an option. How could she possibly balance her work schedule with a baby? Just thinking about these things made her heart race from anxiety. She knew she wouldn't have any support from her family. Her sister Kim was just an all around hot mess. Her mom was a flake who was only interested in keeping up appearances, and enabling her sister's continual nonsense. Amanda had always been the black sheep, and knew that even a baby would not change that.

She thought about having an abortion, but decided against it. She was already in her 30's with no serious prospects. Like it or not, her biological clock was ticking. This really could be her only chance to have a child. She knew herself well enough to know that no matter how hard single motherhood would be, she would regret not having this baby for the rest of her life.

Amanda didn't know how long she could keep her secret from the squad. She didn't want to say anything just yet. She needed to keep working as much as possible. Besides needing all of the overtime she could get, work was the only thing that would keep her mind off of the mess she had created. She knew keeping her secret would not be easy. She was battling wicked morning sickness that lasted until lunch most days, and constantly felt dizzy. She could feel Olivia's eyes burning her from across the squad room, despite telling her boss multiple times that she was just getting over the stomach bug. Carisi was constantly bringing her cups of tea and ginger ale. Fin hadn't said anything, but could tell by his expression that something was definitely up.

Amanda covered herself with a soft Sherpa throw blanket, and laid back on her couch and sighed. She took a long sip of tea. Tomorrow, she promised herself, she would make a plan. First, she needed to see her doctor, and make sure she and the baby were healthy.

* * *

After a long, dreamless night, Amanda dragged herself out of bed after hitting snooze about 4 times. She was so tired she felt physically ill; like she was incapable of getting out of bed and taking a shower. She could already feel the churning in her stomach, but prayed she wouldn't puke this morning. She tried not to think about how ill she felt, and stepped into the shower.

Twenty minutes later, her shower was complete. Amanda struggled to find something appropriate to wear to work. She could already see changes in body. Her breasts were already sore and swollen, and were spilling out of her bra. She hadn't felt up to doing laundry, and was running low on clean clothes. She pulled on her last pair of clean dress pants, and had to re-wear a shirt from the previous week.

"How am I going to keep a baby in clean clothes when I can't even get it together myself?" She asked herself.

After a super quick makeup application, and running a comb through her hair, and feeding Frannie, she grabbed her cell phone to make a call. She scheduled an appointment with her OBGYN for the same day at noon.

* * *

Amanda was the first to arrive at the precinct, and for that she was grateful. She had gotten sick twice since arriving at the office. Thankfully, no one was around to hear her wretching in the bathroom. After calming herself down, and running cool water on her face and neck, Amanda was already seated at her desk when her co-workers arrived.

Of course, Olivia knew something was up. She didn't say anything to Amanda, but her expression said it all. Olivia was not stupid. She had been a detective too long. No matter how good her act, Olivia could see right through Amanda. She knew she would have to confess to her boss sooner rather than later. However, for right now, she would focus on getting through the work day, and her OB appointment at lunch.


	2. Changing Time 2

Disclaimer: I don't make money from writing these stories. It's just for fun!

Amanda was thankful for a relatively slow morning at the precinct. No major cases had come in, and she was able to sit quietly at her desk working on paperwork without calling anymore attention to herself. At 11:30, she excused herself for her lunch break. She told Carisi that she had a doctor's appointment, but did not go into detail.

"Good idea Amanda, better safe than sorry. You haven't been looking too good after that stomach bug you've had." Carisi said as Amanda put her coat on.

* * *

When she arrived at the doctor's office, there were no patients waiting in the waiting room. After filling out what seemed to be a holy testament of paper work, Amanda was taken directly into an examining room. This caught her off guard as she wanted to put this appointment off as long as possible, and had counted on a long wait to see the doctor. This was getting all too real. Amanda's heart began racing, and she began to sweat. The room began to spin.

The medical assistant who led her into the room noticed Amanda swaying and led her into a chair.

"Ms Rollins are you okay? Sit down here. Let me bring you some cold water."

Amanda did feel a bit better after sitting for a few minutes.

Mara, the medical assistant smiled warmly at Amanda. "Nothing to worry about. We'll get you checked out, and make sure everything is okay. I see you are here to confirm a pregnancy?"

Mara took Amanda's arm to check her blood pressure.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant. I missed my last period, and all the symptoms are there."

The medical assistant nodded, and made a note in Amanda's chart of the detective's low blood pressure. Amanda's blood was drawn, and she was instructed to change into a gown. Amanda's heart skipped a beat when the door of the exam room clicked shut. Her hands shook as she struggled to unbutton her pants. This was too real now. She felt very vulnerable sitting on the exam table in nothing but the thin gown. Her heart began to race again, and her dizziness returned. She could feel her stomach churning. She closed her eyes, and took deep breaths hoping to calm herself. Her attempt was futile.

Within a few minutes, Amanda's OBGYN, Dr. Sariani entered the examining room. Dr. Sariani was a tall, slightly chubby woman in her early 40's with dark hair and eyes.

"Amanda, long time no see!" the doctor said smiling, reaching out to shake Amanda's hand.

Amanda smiled nervously. She had skipped her annual exam for the past few years, and was busted. She hated going to the OBGYN, and always put it off. Thinking back, if she had kept her appointments, and renewed her birth control, she might not be in this predicament today.

"So you came in today to confirm your pregnancy? How have you been feeling?

"Okay." Amanda lied.

Dr. Sariani could read people as well as Olivia. She knew the detective was not telling the whole truth.

"You've been suffering from a lot of morning sickness I see?"

The shock was evident on Amanda's face. "How could you know that?" she asked her doctor.

The doctor chuckled. "Amanda, I was born at night, but not last night! I've been doing this job for a while. You are white as a sheet, severely dehydrated, a little too thin, and your BP is low. All of the signs are there. Honestly Amanda, I would like to admit you to the hospital overnight for IV fluids. You are very dehydrated."

Amanda wanted to protest, but no words came out. The thoughts in her mind were racing. How could she explain an overnight hospital stay to Olivia? She was suspicious already. This would seal the deal.

"Was this pregnancy planned?" The doctor asked.

"No, not at all." Amanda answered honestly.

Dr. Sariani led Amanda back to lie back on the exam table, and prepped the detective for her first ultrasound. Within a few minutes, the image of Amanda's baby appeared on the screen.

"Everything looks good Amanda. Judging by the ultrasound, I would estimate you're about 7 or 8 weeks pregnant. Judging by the ultrasound, and the date of your last period, I would estimate your due date right around November 20th.

Amanda's thoughts raced as she looked at what was only a tiny blip on a monitor. No more what ifs. That was it. She really was pregnant. She was already two months into her pregnancy, and wasn't prepared at all for this huge change in her life. How was she going to do this all alone?

Amanda thought back to the night she slept with Declan. The doctor was right. Amanda couldn't believe that Declan knocked her up in just one night. Amanda sighed. Why didn't anything else in her life happen that quickly and easily?

About 40 minutes later, after an uncomfortable exam, Amanda's first prenatal appointment was complete.

"Amanda, I want you to check into St. Luke's hospital to receive IV fluids. You're very dehydrated. I'm concerned. "

Amanda protested. "Is the hospital really necessary Doctor? I'll be fine. I'll drink more water. I'll….." The room started spinning again. Dr. Sariani grabbed Amanda's arm, and sat her down in a chair."

"Amanda, I would feel more comfortable sending you to St. Luke's in an ambulance. You aren't in any shape to travel. You should only be there overnight, 2 nights max. While you're there, I'll prescribe some medication to help with the nausea. You need to be able to eat, and keep your food down before we can send you home. We need to get your nausea and vomiting under control. It's not good for you or the baby."

Amanda could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. She didn't want to go to the hospital. She didn't want to explain any of this to Olivia, or the guys.

Dr. Sariani hugged Amanda. "It's going to be okay Amanda, I promise."

While waiting for the ambulance, Amanda mustered the courage to call Olivia.

"Liv? Hey, it's Amanda." I'm okay. Uh, listen. I won't be coming back from lunch today. I, uh, went to the doctor for that stomach flu I've had. She says I'm, uh, dehydrated, and need IV fluids. St. Luke's. No, I'm okay, I'm going by ambulance. No, I'm fine. Don't worry."

* * *

After hanging up with Amanda, Olivia was more concerned than ever. She had to be in pretty bad shape to be admitted to the hospital for IV fluids. Why had Amanda waited so long to see a doctor? Olivia knew Amanda wasn't well for the past few weeks, but Amanda always avoided her problems. It was her typical MO.

Olivia walked out into the squad room to let the guys know.

"Manda's being admitted to the hospital for dehydration? Man, I knew she didn't look right. She's gonna be ok though?" Fin asked, obviously concerned.

"She should be fine," Olivia reassured him. "She'll only be there for a night or two."

"I've been after her to get checked out for the past week!" Carisi added. "She's been looking so frail. Do you think she could be…" Carisi suddenly stopped talking.

The squad knew exactly what Carisi was about to say. Was Amanda pregnant?

"Let's not jump to conclusions." Olivia said. "I'm sure if it's anything, Amanda will tell us when she is ready. We don't need to be nosey."

Olivia was so convincing she almost fooled herself. She knew Amanda was pregnant. The others knew it as well, but dropped the subject. Olivia didn't want to pry into Amanda's private life. She hoped that she would open up to them about her situation once the time was right.

* * *

Shortly after arriving at the hospital, Amanda found herself hooked up with an IV, and connected to various monitors. She was admitted to the maternity floor, and was surrounded by mostly very pregnant women. Amanda couldn't imagine herself in their shoes in only a few short months. She still couldn't even wrap her head around the fact that she was pregnant. She was praying that the at home tests she had taken were wrong, and this was just a mistake. Now she was faced with the truth. In a few months, she would be someone's mother.

As she looked around the maternity floor, she noticed many of the women had their husbands and boyfriends at their bedside. Amanda was alone. She would be alone when she gave birth. She wouldn't have anyone to support her, or hold her hand. A few tears rolled down Amanda's face.

Amanda wondered how long she could hide her pregnancy. She didn't want to answer all of the questions. She knew everyone would assume it was Nick's. She just wanted her life to continue as if nothing was wrong. She wasn't ready for all of the changes coming her way.

As she laid in the uncomfortable hospital bed, all of the events of the day, combined with whatever she was being given through her IV, seemed to come crashing down on her. Her eyes became heavy, and Amanda drifted off into a deep sleep.


End file.
